Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Your kid may be an honors student,
but you’re still an idiot.
Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I love cats…they taste just like chicken.
Born free…Taxed to death.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt–in case heaven is like the IRS..
Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
No radio – Already stolen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
idiot-proof and someone will make a better
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
Why is’abbreviation’ such a long word?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?